It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
