Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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