i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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