Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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