Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
