I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
time to smoke my breakfast
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
