just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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