So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
