i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
