Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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