Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
