Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
