I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
