No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
