At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
