Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
