Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ugly people sure do ruin things
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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