clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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