i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
