My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
