So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
