Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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