so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
