Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
