Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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