every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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