she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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