Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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