And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
