I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
