I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
