Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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