I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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