but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
