i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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