Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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