I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
