You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
