The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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