the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
