I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
