I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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