3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
