so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
