im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
