I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
