I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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