Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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