The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
