i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I AM VODKA MAN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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